Vague offers need specific asks.

It can't name actual programmes — eligibility, funding and waiting times differ by country, region and condition, and change constantly. What it gives you is the routes that commonly exist: an assessment of your own needs as a carer, social services, day programmes, home visits, short-stay respite, sitting services, hospice and palliative teams, and condition-specific charities, which often know the local options better than anyone. Plus the script for making the call.

In many systems your needs are assessed separately from the person you care for, and it can unlock practical support. Most carers never ask, because nobody mentions it. The guide tells you to request it explicitly, and helps you arrive with a written care log — hours, tasks, nights — which is much harder to dismiss than "I'm tired".

Because carers routinely underestimate what they do by half, and feeling overwhelmed is easy to dismiss. Counting personal care, household work, admin, supervision and night waking often produces a number like 111 hours a week — which leaves less than zero hours a day for you. That's not a complaint, it's evidence the arrangement isn't sustainable.

Stop asking generally and start asking specifically: one task, one date, one time window, easy to decline. "Could you sit with Dad on Thursday from two till four?" gets answered; "I could use some help" doesn't. The guide writes these messages for each person, proposes a rota with named jobs, and handles the harder conversation when relatives won't step up.

Please tell your doctor — carer depression and anxiety are common and treatable, and persistent hopelessness or thoughts of harming yourself need contact with a doctor or crisis line now. And if you're frightened you might hurt or neglect the person you care for, or you've come close, that's a sign the situation is unsafe for both of you rather than a sign about your character. Contact their doctor, a social worker or a carers' organisation today — carers who say this get help.