A twenty-minute conversation with a shape to it — both of you rating six areas separately, one topic at a time, and an ending you agree to before you start. Not a verdict on your relationship.
No agenda, no end time, no idea where it's going. Structure is what makes it survivable — a warm-up, one topic, and a finish time you both agreed to before starting.
Couples research consistently finds most ongoing conflict is perpetual — it sits on stable differences in personality and needs. Treating it as a fixable problem is what makes both of you feel like failures at it.
Everything you've been storing up arrives at once and the other person defends rather than listens. One topic per conversation is the difference between a check-in and an ambush.
Every couple snaps. What separates the ones who do well isn't never getting it wrong — it's turning back quickly afterwards, which takes about eleven words and almost nobody does it.